Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Movie of the Week King

That was the exact title as it appeared in our little channel info box at the top of the screen. I kept thinking "King" what? The kids were just annoyed that whatever the title, it was preempting America's Funniest Home Videos. After they went to bed, I flipped back to that channel. I watched long enough this time to realize it was King Kong --the updated version. I was hooked.

You see, I remember the days when like "The Wizard of Oz" certain movies were only aired once or twice a year. King Kong was one of those special airings we were allowed to stay up and watch. Of course, the old black and white version was not nearly as gross as the newer one. Tim is forever traumatized by over sized, head-sucking, grub creatures.

I snuggled up to my sweet hubby and mused, "If I ever become the love object of an unnaturally huge gorilla, will you risk your life to save me?" He assures me he will. He's very good to me.

As the movie ended and the mighty Kong fell from his death perch atop the Empire State Building, I sighed, "At least I didn't cry this time." Tim shot me an incredulous look. It's true. I was a soft-hearted animal lover as a child. I knew that if some genetically altered beast attacked our small suburb, I alone would be capable of soothing the savage beast. I knew Ann Darrow's pain.

20 years later and five kids, I'm afraid to say that a love-sick monster roaming the streets and randomly throwing people to their deaths has less sentimental pull as it once did. I would more likely be one of the B-52 pilots than the ditsy, species-confused blond teetering off the edge of the tower. Call it cynicism, call it realism. Mostly, call it a relief to my husband who still can't believe I ever cried over such a stupid movie.

"How did he get to be so big anyway?" Tim asked.

"I think he was flushed down the toilet as a baby and lived off of radio-active waste in the sewers of New York city. Or maybe that was another stupid movie." =)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"And Justice for All"

You're familiar with the adage "two wrongs don't make a right." We've said it to our kids and I believe it's true...mostly. But since none of my kids bother reading this blog I feel safe in admitting to you that, despite its truth; that second wrong---sometimes feels really right! For example...

I do my grocery shopping at the same place, at more or less the same time, with the same basic list every single week. Which means that I look at the prices of those same items every single week. I know when something goes up or down by even a few cents. I also, have a reasonable understanding of marketing. I get that the cheap, no-name brands are gonna be on the most annoying shelves while the high-priced Tommy Hilfiger's of pantry staples will be at eye-level and easily within reach. Whatever. I'm not opposed to squatting or stretching to meet my budget needs. However, I am against blatant false advertisement. It bugs me. It irritates me. It assaults my sense of "liberty and justice for all" dog-gone-it! And sometimes when you reach this level of indignation, you are tempted to take the law into your own hands; to commit another wrong. I know.

It. happened. to. me.

For weeks, months even, I've noticed that the particular establishment wherein I do my shopping, which shall remain nameless, at least until the heat is off; places various "sale" tags through out the store. Nothing wrong with that, you're thinking. Agreed. As I've shared with you, I buy recycled toilet paper (shiver). The particular brand that we use costs $2.78 for a "big roll-4 pack." It has been at that price for the duration of the time I've purchased it. Months. But suddenly, there is a colorful, attention-grabbing, sales tag sticking out of the shelf stocked with recycled toilet paper that reads: "WAS $2.98, NOW $2.78!! You save .20!" Huh?

As I walk up and down each aisle I see tags like this one. Gerber baby food jars have always been .68. I know, because I've been buying them for almost two uninterrupted years. They were never 88 cents! I am not saving 20 cents. All over the store, I find that I am surrounded by lies. BOLD FACE (type set) LIES!!! Shameless deception geared to manipulate the naive shopper into spending unnecessary money in the name of savings. Innocent, God-fearing people being taken advantage of by "the man!"

There is only one thing to do.

I look to my right. All clear. I look to my left. No witnesses. I consider looking up to discern the location of the nearest security camera. But it could be just above me which would offer a direct shot of my face; that never turns out well for those of us forced into the life of a criminal avenger. I reach into my purse and fish for a weapon. I withdraw...a #2 pencil. Drat! I was hoping for a ball-point pen. It'll have to do. With the speed and precision of a cobra, I scratch the words "NOT TRUE" on the sales tag. Oh yes, in all caps!

sigh. I think I made my point. And now that they know what they're up against, I expect coorporate headquarters will repent and resolve to only offer truth in advertising any day now.

Your welcome. =)