Diatribe

Quiet please, I'm stepping up onto my pedestal. =)


The following essay is presented in defense of opinions held by Amie Sexton and is entitled "Why Christians should NOT be creepy salespeople."


If you have a product or service and you want to sell it, fine. I don't have a problem with that. But for heaven's sake don't be creepy. What does creepy look like? I just happened to have experienced it today.


A gentlemen knocked on my door this afternoon. As I opened the door, he stepped back quickly and said "whoa, didn't mean to surprise ya there." I wanted to ask "uh, you knocked on the door; I opened it. What's the surprise?" but I refrained. He immediately went into the name dropping phase of his presentation. "I was just chatting with some of your neighbors, the uh, Wiggins' and Howard's. Really great families." I stared at him blankly since I know very few of our neighbors by their last names. He could've said he'd had tea with the Bush's and it wouldn't have mattered to me. But I got the impression that hearing these names was meant to put me at ease. "Oh well if the Wiggins' listened to your spiel then I'd be a fool not to." It didn't work. As I said, I don't know the Wiggins'.


Next, he assured me that he would only be taking a couple of minutes of my time. And for added flare or in case I was a complete moron who had no idea what a couple of minutes was, he pointed carefully to his wristwatch --twice.


"And so, is there a place where we could sit down and chat?" At the very moment he is forming these words and I am NOT exaggerating (though that is my usual nature) -he begins wiping his feet on a non-existent door mat, elbows in the air and stepping toward my front door apparently expecting to be ushered right in. He seemed only slightly jolted when I said "No." I explained that I don't welcome in people that I don't know when my husband is at work.


Not to worry. It turns out the condensed version of the spiel can be done standing. In closing, I told him I did not think we would be interested in the service he was offering. "Do you mind if I ask what line of work your husband is in?" He's a spokesperson for the NRA who likes to shoot door-to-door sales people for sport. "He's a pastor."

Turns out the guy has been to our church before but currently attends another church in the area. "yeah, I've been the that church for your Halloween program before (he knew it by name and wasn't bluffing, even so). What's your husbands name?" As soon as it left my mouth I was mentally kicking myself in the derriere repeatedly. The pitch ended and he moved on down the road.

Take note: if you live in the area and a guy knocks on your door and says, "I was just talking to the Sexton family the other day..." Do not be fooled. Pretend you've never heard of us and close the door quickly.

And so, back to my original statement. If you have a product that you believe is worth my time and financial investment -say so. But don't do the whole song and dance routine and for the love of Pete -DON'T wipe your feet on an imaginary door mat. It's just creepy.