Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I decided that since I am having trouble with new literary creations I would offer you something old for me but maybe new to you. This is my own version of "The Night Before Christmas." It's been done a million different ways and I couldn't resist giving it the Sexton twist. Hope you enjoy it! (may not be suitable for children)

Twas the night before Christmas and the kids were all down,
A small dose of Benedryl would help them sleep sound.
And I in my “draws” and Ma in sexy lingerie
Were about to get busy by the old Christmas tree.

When out on the porch there arose such a racket,
I sprang to my feet and I threw on my jacket.
Away to the door I ran like no other
And opened to find standing there…my mother?!

“Merry Christmas” she said with a voice full of cheer.
My wife grabbed her robe quickly covering her rear.
Then marching in like a nightmarish parade,
Next my dad and my sister with a fruitcake –home made.

There were aunts and uncles and cousins galore.
They just kept on streaming right into the door.
My wife and I stood there in helpless dismay.
We were sure they weren’t coming until Christmas Day.

Soon the house was a-buzz, nearly bursting it’s seems
And our children were roused from their drug-induced dreams.
My wife gave a sigh and a sympathetic pat;
But I thought to myself, “I ain’t goin’ out like that!”

I knew what must be done to get over this slump.
There were pallets to make and air mattresses to pump.
I took off like a flash, whizzing by their heads
And before they knew it, all were snug in their beds;

Which stretched wall to wall, covering the floor.
And then right on cue, Grandpa started to snore.
I jumped into my shoes; took my wife by the hand;
Grabbed the keys to the car and out the front door we ran.

And I yelled through the window as we drove out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all, and a hotel room for the night!"
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to our actual family members is purely coincidental. To my knowledge, my sister-in-law does not make homemade fruit cakes. No offense intended toward anyone. Just meant for fun.


Lisa said...

BwahHaHa! LOL! too too funny. Girl...i tell ya what. You. are. so. amazing.

literary slump, my butt! yes, i said BUTT!!!!!

Heather said...

That is hilarious. Can't wait til the kids go to bed so I can read it to DH! hehe(:

Shaw6pak said...

Oh my goodness. There are so many reason why I love you and your wit is at the top. That was awesome! Thanks for the laugh. ~~~ Kristi

ThymeVerner said...

HAHA that is great. I'm going to have to share that with my mom LOL