Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Filler

I decided that since I am having trouble with new literary creations I would offer you something old for me but maybe new to you. This is my own version of "The Night Before Christmas." It's been done a million different ways and I couldn't resist giving it the Sexton twist. Hope you enjoy it! (may not be suitable for children)

Twas the night before Christmas and the kids were all down,
A small dose of Benedryl would help them sleep sound.
And I in my “draws” and Ma in sexy lingerie
Were about to get busy by the old Christmas tree.

When out on the porch there arose such a racket,
I sprang to my feet and I threw on my jacket.
Away to the door I ran like no other
And opened to find standing there…my mother?!

“Merry Christmas” she said with a voice full of cheer.
My wife grabbed her robe quickly covering her rear.
Then marching in like a nightmarish parade,
Next my dad and my sister with a fruitcake –home made.

There were aunts and uncles and cousins galore.
They just kept on streaming right into the door.
My wife and I stood there in helpless dismay.
We were sure they weren’t coming until Christmas Day.

Soon the house was a-buzz, nearly bursting it’s seems
And our children were roused from their drug-induced dreams.
My wife gave a sigh and a sympathetic pat;
But I thought to myself, “I ain’t goin’ out like that!”

I knew what must be done to get over this slump.
There were pallets to make and air mattresses to pump.
I took off like a flash, whizzing by their heads
And before they knew it, all were snug in their beds;

Which stretched wall to wall, covering the floor.
And then right on cue, Grandpa started to snore.
I jumped into my shoes; took my wife by the hand;
Grabbed the keys to the car and out the front door we ran.

And I yelled through the window as we drove out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all, and a hotel room for the night!"
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to our actual family members is purely coincidental. To my knowledge, my sister-in-law does not make homemade fruit cakes. No offense intended toward anyone. Just meant for fun.

4 comments:

Lisa said...

BwahHaHa! LOL! too too funny. Girl...i tell ya what. You. are. so. amazing.

literary slump, my butt! yes, i said BUTT!!!!!

Heather said...

That is hilarious. Can't wait til the kids go to bed so I can read it to DH! hehe(:

Shaw6pak said...

Oh my goodness. There are so many reason why I love you and your wit is at the top. That was awesome! Thanks for the laugh. ~~~ Kristi

ThymeVerner said...

HAHA that is great. I'm going to have to share that with my mom LOL