This past Friday, thanks to my parents offering free childcare during their Thanksgiving visit (thank you!), Tim and I went out with a couple of friends from church. This particular family has seven children and us with our five -well, you can imagine how much uninterrupted conversation we have with kids in tow.
We met at the mall to take care of some Christmas shopping before heading out for coffee. While in the mall, Tim and Lans waited patiently for Kelly and I to peruse a women's clothing store. As we exited the store, we found our husbands at one of the many shopping kiosks which line the mall area. Tim motioned me over. Rule #1 -When your spouse is engaged in conversation with a sales person, avoid eye contact at all costs. I didn't know this rule until after the fact. I meandered on over and joined them. He wanted me to explain to the young lady why he would not purchase her product for me. Rule # 2 -When your spouse is engaged in conversation with a sales person, do not ask questions; simply appear aloof and walk away. Again, I didn't know the rule. "What exactly is it?" I asked.
(I should point out at this time that my friend Kelly apparently knew the rules. In fact, I think she wrote them and yet she offered no assistance whatsoever. She was long gone. No love. Thanks, Kel.)
Having broken rule 1 & 2, the young woman grabbed my hand and held my thumb up in the air and proceeded to tell me how the ridges in my fingernails are bad. Apparently they indicate some horrible condition. I'm not good with medical terms but I believe the common name for it is "fiftydollarsdownthedrain-itis." Next, she buffs my thumbnail with this special little stone and says, "Are you prepared to be amazed?" Is she kidding? I'm at the mall on a Friday night with no children. Does she really think anything could be more amazing than that?
She now reveals my freshly buffed and I must admit unnaturally shiny thumbnail. "Amazing!" she declares. I was still trying to figure out why my fingernail ridges were so offensive. Working to close the deal, she asked me what I do for a living. Stay at home mom, yada, yada. Ah, she thought she'd found her hook.
Sales person: So, you never get to pamper yourself. What do you do to pamper yourself?
Me: Um, I occasionally shave my legs.
One would think that such an admission on my part would be more than enough to convince this girl that there was no way in heck I was going to drop 50 bucks to sit at home and buff my nails. She was undeterred and before long Tim and his partner in coercion, Lans, were dropping comments behind my back. "We really need to get going Amie." Rule #3 -If your spouse (and his friend) are engaged in conversation with a salesperson and you mistakenly break rules 1 & 2, and they begin speaking to you as though you are in fact to blame for the hold up...punch them both in the eye and walk away. No, I didn't know this rule at the time either.
So, all in all, I have to give my husband two thumbs down for abusing my submissive nature to sucker me into a sales pitch. ;-) I give my friend Kelly one thumb up for being smart enough to avoid the whole thing and one thumb down for abandonment. And I give the sales woman two thumbs up for persistence. One with a very shiny, smooth, buffed thumbnail and one dull, dingy thumbnail full of ridges which I suddenly cannot help but notice. Cursed ridges!