Sunday, January 6, 2008

Bad Medicine

It's Sunday morning and I would normally be at church with my family right now. I'm not. I have one word for you...prunes. They are the devil's handiwork. Tasty little treats disguised in plump, soft, sweetness only to destroy you from the inside out. Wolves in sheep's clothing to be sure.

My digestive tract has an occasional need for encouragement. I'm not ashamed to admit it and since my readership increases exponentially when I discuss body function, I'll assume that you (equally strange people) are not offended by the topic. I blame it on my mother. I recall as kids she would at times service us with a laxative. Not because we were constipated but because it's just good sense to "clean things out" now and then. As I think on it, I remember this cleansing coincided with our annual spring cleaning of the house. That's cleanliness to the extreme. Anyway, I suppose my body became dependent on the yearly maintenance and now it happens once in awhile that a person needs a little Drano to get the pipes running smoothly.

I bought a box of prunes. Great Value Dried Pitted Prunes. I want you to recognize the little demons when you see them. Like many of you, I had always heard of the association between prunes and, uh, plumbing and being an advocate of natural remedies decided to give it a try. What no one told me was that prunes are really good. They really are. Okay, if you don't like raisins or other dried fruits then you won't like them but for the rest of us, they ain't half bad. I bought them on Friday morning. By last night, I'd eaten half the box.

Now, I realize that this reveals more than just a prune problem but says something regarding my lack of self-discipline in eating habits, but that's not the point of this post and we can return to that issue some other day. Half a box of prunes later, and here I am missing church. But I'm not alone. The kids wanted to taste the prunes and Nathan loved them and ate 3 maybe 4 himself. I'm no mathematician but based on a height/weight comparison -that's probably equivalent to half a box.

Tim did some research this morning and found one person who said of prunes, "two isn't enough and three is too many." And another lady who, like me, downed almost a whole box and said that they "roto-rootered her system." I hear ya sister!

Nathan and I are recovering nicely. The other two partakers have been unaffected thus far. And for future reference, I recommend balancing half a box of prunes with a nice block of cheddar cheese. That should be healthy. ;-)


Amy said...

Amie, LOL, you crack me up. I've never tried prunes myself but if I ever do I'll remember that 2 is not enough and 3 is too many. I know someone who had a similar experience with a bag of fresh cherries that she found particularly good. It ruined a nice dinner out with her husband. C'est la vie.
The Other Amy

Heather said...

Hey, Amie! If I remember correctly, last year Tim resolved to do one push-up or sit-up a day. My mom and I are doing it with high hopes for future physique! ;-) I hope you're having a good day minus the runs...

Bobbey said...

Your reason for missing church is so much more "creative" than mine. Hope you're feeling better soon.

I'm still chuckling at your misfortune...well, I'm not laughing AT you, merely with you!

Anonymous said...


You are TOO funny!!!!

I will remember the prune story, if not for me, for my girls who seem to have trouble!!!


Anonymous said...

this should have been "Da Doo Run Run Run"

T&T Livesay said...

hope you have a nice afternoon on the toilet. i am just shaking my head. nothing more.

out. (that's what the prunes said)

Lisa said...

haha! I enjoyed that story. I always have 3 prunes in the morning. Everyone laughs at me, but I'm R-E-G-U-L-A-R, if ya know what I mean.