Man in the Mirror

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but 2008 is kicking the crap out of me. Don't know how else to say it.

I'm looking in the mirror and personal appearance aside (there's work to be done there, too) I'm just ill. I see a big fat hypocrite staring back at me. I sat on the sofa last night working on my list of things that I need to change like "stop watching so much television." I actually wrote that down. Do you know what I was doing when I wrote it? Watching television. Law and Order SVU -that's an hour of uplifting programming. ???? HYP-O-CRITE!

Then I switched over to the news for a minute. Maybe you've been following the story of Meredith Emerson -young woman from Georgia who was missing. She was found dead yesterday. Now they are investigating a possible tie between her killer and other missing/murdered individuals. I prayed for this girl and for her family. I prayed that by some miracle she would be found alive but that she would at least be found so her loved ones could have closure. But I had just spent an hour being entertained by the very story line that was ripping her family's hearts out. HYP-O-CRITE!

I marvel at my kids apparent inability to grasp what seem like elementary principles that we have gone over and over and over again. Then I have to remind myself to do things like "rejoice in the Lord." hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite!

I was sharing with a friend yesterday some great ideas I've had recently for books and she said, "that's exciting stuff!" But I had to admit that it wasn't exciting at all because somewhere inside I know that I will never actually accomplish it. I'm full of ideas and absolutely void of follow through. And yet, let one of my kids utter the words "I quit" during a board game or home school and I am the first one to tell them what a horrible character trait that is. hypo-hypo-hypocrite!

It is not my intention to gain sympathy or to fish for comments of "you're not as bad as you think." (my closest friends are thinking...as if!) Nor do I mean to be preachy. I am self-sermonizing, if anything. It's just to let you know that this is the funk I am in. I'm closing this one out with a song I wrote a while back (it always loses something without the actual melody but still...) I think it is exactly what I need to do. Thanks for lending me your eyes. :)

Abide

Words and Music by Amie "hypocrite" Sexton

Copyright 2005

Lord, let me live in the shadow of Your wing.

Let me rest when I have nothing else to bring You.

Just abide and listen to Your heartbeat.

Father, hold me closely to Your side

And I will abide.

I am the branch and You are the vine.

You want my heart and not my useless trying.

My greatest deeds melt like wax before Your sight,

But just being with me brings Your heart delight.

Lord, let me live in the shadow of Your wing.

Let me rest. 'Cause there is nothing I can bring You.

Just abide and listen to Your heartbeat.

Father, hold me closely to Your side

And I will abide.