Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Shot the Sheriff

Life is always interesting. The kids and I were on our way to church last night. We left 10 minutes earlier than usual (which made us on time instead of late). We will never do that again. It's four miles between our house and the church. Four measly little miles. Not far enough for the kids to need a DVD. Not far enough to worry if the gas gauge is close to empty. Barely far enough for the kids to pick fights with each other. BUT JUST FAR ENOUGH for the Franklin County Sheriff's department to perform a sting-op on innocent drivers.

A license check. I knew I had my licence. No need to panic. But like clockwork my heart rate goes up and my hands get shaky. I get my licence our of my purse and instruct the children to settle down and stop asking a million questions until we get through the check. I rolled down the window and offered my I.D. I knew something was up when he called his companion over and said "you take this one and I'll keep it moving on that side." heh? The second officer took the I.D. and asked for my registration. I reached in the glove compartment and found it crumpled under the owners manual. I quickly uncrumpled and tried to smooth it out in my hands. Then he informed me that my inspection had expired in July 2007 and I would need to pull over while he issued a citation. I didn't shoot him. Though Nathan did point out that in his opinions "their guns are really small." Small guns, big hats. That's how we do it in these here parts, son.

ugh. I don't do car inspections. I buy groceries. That's my domain. And no one gives you a ticket if you forget to buy peanut butter one week. You just go to Plan B. The kind and courteous officer of the law didn't offer me a Plan B. Not even when I batted my eyes and squished my bosom together to give the illusion of cleavage. I think the four kids and the minivan were cramping my sex appeal. (no, I didn't really do that.) So, while I admit to being annoyed for a short time -I gotta say that it's really not fair. Tim's responsibilities carry greater consequence than mine do. I can be a slacker in certain things and the world doesn't fall apart and it doesn't cost us a ridiculous amount of money. If, in the midst of moving twice, getting a new kid, and possibly leaving the country, he forgets to look at the sticker on the van, the hammer falls.

There's the bad news. $145 ticket and a day in court for me. The good news? As of right now, there are three of us from church who will be hanging out in court together. If the number keeps increasing, it's been suggested that we have the praise band come out and hold services for us. =) Anyone else out there who got nabbed last night?


T&T Livesay said...

I spit pop out of my nose envisioning the cleavage thing ... because we both know that is not even possible ... no matter what sort of manipulating or positioning you do.

You make me laugh. Sorry about that ticket -- those hillbilly cops don't mess around.

Leo said...

That stinks. It seems small-town police are the least lenient. By the way, I couldn't bat my eyelashes enough to get out of my ticket either. Although, I think I'd rather have the ticket than the knowledge that such a tricked worked for me (at least with a male officer!)

Julie said...

Your writing is hilarious. I love reading it. I will be adding your blog to my favorites. If you don't mind.

Thanks for the laughs!


The Sexton Crew said...

I'm glad to be added and just read your blog about your daughter. How bittersweet when you're kids do just what you've always trained and prayed for them to do and it takes them far away. I know you are incredibly proud!