Smokin' in the Boys Room

Motley Crue- that beacon of morality for teens of the 80's. yeah, right. I'm not a smoker but I think I can relate to this song. In a nutshell it's about wanting to escape the classroom to smoke with your buddies in the bathroom. (in case the blatantly self-explanatory title wasn't obvious enough for you ;-))

As I said, smoking is not my issue but if it were, the middle of home school would be exactly the moment I would need a puff to settle my nerves. Challenging it is. Patient I am not. But I am blessed because every Friday Tim is home from work and takes on the task of educating our children while I shop for groceries. I'm thankful for the break but this past Friday, I was betrayed. Opportunity came and the little boogers ratted me out.

Tim was caught in one of those moments familiar to all home schooling parents in which you've repeated the same information 176 times in 49 different ways and they still aren't getting it. As he neared his breaking point he said, "Guys, does Mom ever get frustrated with ya'll?" Well, there's a loaded question and those sell outs didn't hesitate to spill their guts. "oooooh yeaaah, Dad. She yells at us and sometimes she just screams really loud." Note to the Marine Corp: if Nathan is captured by the enemy, he will sing like a bird. Tell him nothing.

I had to come home and face my accusers. I had no excuses, no alibi, no defense attorney. I explained it to Tim this way (maybe you can relate):

"Honey, you've seen Alien, right? (he has) You know that scene where the guy starts feeling sick and all the sudden a creature comes busting out of his stomach? (he knows it) This is what homeschool does to me."

Seriously people. It starts low and grumbly and it just keeps growing and welling up until I have to scream or my head will explode right off of my shoulders. You tell me -which is more traumatic to a child? A mom who occasionally gets loud or blood and brain matter splattered over their math workbooks? I think the answer is clear. So, that explains the occasional random screams. The "yells at us" testimony. That's a little more complicated.

When I think of yelling I think about someone hurling loud and hateful words out of anger. YOU STUPID IDIOT! That's yelling. What I do is more along the lines of desperately impassioned pleading. For the love of all that is holy and for the last time this is the ones place, this is the tens place, and this is the hundreds place! You see the difference, don't you? And as I explained to Tim, you might be tempted to think that since we are all sitting at the table together speaking loudly would not be necessary, however; the actual distance required for the words from my mouth to travel to the light bulbs in the recesses of their brains is far greater than the apparent space between our persons.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;o)